ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
