youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
