I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
