Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
