On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
