Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize