Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
