I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
