You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
it glows. i had to have it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
