I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
