Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
