did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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