I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
