jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
