I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
