Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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