This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
