I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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