he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize