Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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