Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
