You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
