for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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