I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
