2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
