I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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