come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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