Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
