if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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