I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
