airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
