Do vagina's smell?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
