He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
