Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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