I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
