This is not my ceiling
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
