Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
