im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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