So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize