I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
