Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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