why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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