Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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