***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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