the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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