seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
