So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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