He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I want a musical about memes.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize