Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
