His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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