So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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