woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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