i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize