That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Randomize
