We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
