I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
