My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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