the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
