her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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