East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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