No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
