so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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