After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
