I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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