you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
